“courage is the power to let go of the familiar”

I haven't posted in a while. Ooops. I've been ridiculously busy and distracted lately, most recently because of a wonderful vacation in Florida. I've never been less ready to come home from vacation. Laying on the beach with no worries, not thinking or doing a damn thing, was amazing. Since I've returned home, life has proven more hectic and stressful than it has been for quite some time.

I completely finished moving out of my house last night, and we officially close tomorrow morning. It's been a rough few days to be quite honest. Tomorrow, I'm closing a long chapter of my life. One that had many ups and downs; one that looking back, I wouldn't trade for the world. I have learned so many things, and met people who have forever changed my life.

Although things didn't work out in marriage with Justin, I will always have deep respect for him and be forever thankful for the lessons he's taught me. Him and I have both made mistakes that we've had a hard time dealing with, but he taught me that forgiveness is essential. Not only forgiving your debtors, but forgiving yourself as well. It's kind of strange... I'm ok with my marriage ending, but I'm sad I'll be losing a great friend. It's funny the way life works out sometimes. Just one short year ago, I was practically inseparable with my husband and someone who was seemingly our best friend. Now, I will probably never talk to either one of them again.

Tonight I went for a run outside, something I haven't done in a very long time (outdoors or indoors). The weather was perfect, and it was a great opportunity to clear my head. I realized I need to get back to taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. Throughout the course of the divorce process, I went through a phase where I was hardly eating, and lost about 15 pounds. I weighed less than I did when I graduated high school, and was actually feeling good about how I looked on the outside. I felt awful though, since I was barely eating, wasn't working out at all, and was mentally drained. As of late, I've gone the opposite direction, and fallen back into the habit of emotional eating. I've gained about 12 pounds back, still haven't been working out, and am still struggling with my emotions.

Soon, things will settle down and I'll fall into a "normal" routine again. I'm going to take this opportunity to make significant changes for my health and well-being. Eating healthier, working out regularly, and properly balancing time between friends and "me" time. I need to remember the things that really make me happy or relaxed, and do them on a regular basis. Taking photos, spending time outside, taking time to purposely shut my mind off. I was asked to be on a sand volleyball team today, and I'm just stoked. I love volleyball, and really miss playing.

One more thing I need to work on is being a better friend again. I've been so consumed with my own life and troubles lately, I haven't been taking the time to be there for the people who mean a lot to me. You might remember my "a friend loves at all times" post back in January. I truly believed in what I was saying, but lost some of that mindset when my trust was shattered. I'm (very) slowly gaining back my trust in other people, as well as trusting myself.

Tomorrow will be a tough day, and I know it won't come and go without shedding tears. But, it will come and go and life will go on, and I'll be stronger for it in the long run.