"And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now"
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now"
-- excerpt from "Not Afraid" by Eminem
I love Eminem's songs. I love the raw, uncensored emotion in his lyrics and how confidence just radiates from him. Sure, he's controversial, but he tells it like it is!
This particular verse struck me today. Over the past few days, I've finally begun taking steps towards personal recovery. I'm ridding myself of the toxic, negative people in my life and surrounding myself with positive, supportive ones. I'm young, I'm single, and I have my whole life ahead of me. I can do whatever I want, live wherever I want, with no one stopping me!
I was feeling really empowered with these thoughts today, until I realized I have no idea what I want. I've applied for a few jobs out of state, with zero luck, and I'm starting to wonder if I really want to leave, or if I'm running from my problems. I'm torn in so many ways. One one hand, moving somewhere I've never lived before is terrifying. I have friends here, and depending on where I'd move, I might not know anyone. I'd seriously be alone. I likely wouldn't find a job in photography, so I'd have to start that up on the side, slowly gaining clients only after I'd met people and gained their trust. I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up just yet.
On the other hand, this might be my chance to really take charge of my life. I could start over where no one knows me, where I could create first impressions based on who I want to be. I have so much history here. Fargo has such a small town feel, and it seems that everyone is somehow connected to one another. I hate being out and about, wondering who I'll run into that I'm trying to avoid, what restaurant or bar I'll end up at that I used to frequent with certain people, and what memories will come rushing back.
I have a good job here, good friends, and a huge network of acquaintances that are more than willing to help me out if I ever need it. But moving away intrigues me. Thinking about my future is both terrifying and exciting. For now, I think I'll stay in limbo and just see what happens. There have been so many question marks in my life lately... what harm will one more do?
I love Eminem's songs. I love the raw, uncensored emotion in his lyrics and how confidence just radiates from him. Sure, he's controversial, but he tells it like it is!
This particular verse struck me today. Over the past few days, I've finally begun taking steps towards personal recovery. I'm ridding myself of the toxic, negative people in my life and surrounding myself with positive, supportive ones. I'm young, I'm single, and I have my whole life ahead of me. I can do whatever I want, live wherever I want, with no one stopping me!
I was feeling really empowered with these thoughts today, until I realized I have no idea what I want. I've applied for a few jobs out of state, with zero luck, and I'm starting to wonder if I really want to leave, or if I'm running from my problems. I'm torn in so many ways. One one hand, moving somewhere I've never lived before is terrifying. I have friends here, and depending on where I'd move, I might not know anyone. I'd seriously be alone. I likely wouldn't find a job in photography, so I'd have to start that up on the side, slowly gaining clients only after I'd met people and gained their trust. I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up just yet.
On the other hand, this might be my chance to really take charge of my life. I could start over where no one knows me, where I could create first impressions based on who I want to be. I have so much history here. Fargo has such a small town feel, and it seems that everyone is somehow connected to one another. I hate being out and about, wondering who I'll run into that I'm trying to avoid, what restaurant or bar I'll end up at that I used to frequent with certain people, and what memories will come rushing back.
I have a good job here, good friends, and a huge network of acquaintances that are more than willing to help me out if I ever need it. But moving away intrigues me. Thinking about my future is both terrifying and exciting. For now, I think I'll stay in limbo and just see what happens. There have been so many question marks in my life lately... what harm will one more do?
Since you already know I'm a sucker for lyrics, I'll leave you with a few more.
"Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm the only one
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"
- excerpt from "Maybe" by Sick Puppies
... maybe.
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